Respect and the Universal Dating Scene
By Jeaneane Walrath-Peterson
I have to wonder if respect is what we are lacking on the American dating scene, and in our relationships. Are western cultures far too casual in their approach to dating, and relationship views? In researching the question, I came upon various online discussions, where a few good men were asking serious relationship advice. I was shocked at the jaded and cynical responses they received. These poor inquiring souls received one sincere heartfelt response for every ten negative responses. Most responses inferred that the best way to treat a woman was to use her without consideration or emotion and then toss her aside for the next.
What would evoke such cynicism, I wondered? Have women lowered the bar on the treatment they expect in a relationship? Are women just as guilty of treating men with disrespect? I have to wonder where all the respect between the different sexes went. I also have to wonder if the American divorce rate would go down, if respect was infused back into our society, and became a viable part of the American culture. What might happen if we had higher expectations? What might happen if we (I mean western societies as a whole) put respect and higher values back into the dating equation?
I decided to look at the dating and relationship cultures of different counties around the globe, to see how they faired. This is what I found.
Most Western European dating cultures are very similar to those of America. Canada has a similar dating culture, as well. Both men and women can approach the question of dating too each another. Casual sex is often acceptable and even expected. Divorce rates are high.
When it comes to casual sex, Western cultures seemed to accept it as the norm, the Chinese have an old saying, “How come this kind of poisonous grass can exist in the human society?” The Chinese do not favor casual sex, or one night stands. Sex is synonymous with marriage, and dating implies a monogamous relationship headed towards marriage. Along with sex comes responsibility in Asian cultures. A Chinese boy seeking casual sex might find himself severely beaten by the girl’s family.
Thai dating and relationships are very respectful, especially of family and family expectations. In Thailand, women are expected to be virgins upon marriage. Up until and even after, a couple becomes engaged, chaperones accompany couples while they are courting, or dating. Even touching, other then handholding, prior to engagement, or marriage, is taboo. It is an absolute no-no to touch a woman’s hair without her permission, or any other physical contact, no leg touching, no breast groping, absolutely no tongue while kissing.
Weddings are extensive, elaborate affairs that are fraught with old world traditions in Thailand, as in many Asian cultures. Respect is the key. Also commitments are taken seriously in Thailand, China, Korea, Malaysia, Philippines, Japan, Vietnam, as well as most other Asian countries.
In Korea, physical intimacy is very reserved, and even a kiss on the check is not permissible until after two months of dating. Women are expected to wait until they wed before engaging in intimacy. Family values regarding marriage are high and traditional.
The Filipino culture has a high regard for the sanctity of marriage and traditional values as well.
Hindu couples, or couples from India, vary in dating cultures, but the one thing that they all have in common is a sense of old world tradition, and again respect toward cultural norms and family is paramount to their societies.
Most families of the bride in Asian cultures expect dowries from perspective husbands, and husbands are expected to prove their worth to the bride’s families. Potential husbands must prove that they are able to provide for their new brides, as well as protect them.
South African women view dating as a means to an end. They are very unemotional when it comes to dating, seldom do they date for love; instead, dating and sex are tools for nabbing a husband. Finding a husband is a way to a better life for most. South African men consider friendliness from a woman as a come on. If a woman smiles or talks to them, it is the go ahead to pursue the relationship further. South Africa is a male dominated country and often times, in many regions marriage is prearranged by two families. Dowries of sorts are still expected. Outward displays of affection are not permitted.
In Russia, women are submissive, and it is a male dominated culture. In Russia, there are 10-million more marriageable women then there are men. Dating is very competitive. Men often cheat on their spouses because they can. There is always an available woman who is eager to take someone’s man. Russian women tend to make good wives as they spoil their husbands. It’s frowned upon, to be a single woman, in Russia. Women marry early, as do the women of Asian cultures.
In Arab Muslim nations, many marriages are arranged marriages. There is much respect for culture and family. Men respect their parents and traditions. It is not appropriate for men to date outside of their Muslim culture. Muslim men follow the old world ways of the Qumran when it comes to dating and relationships.
It seems, mostly westernized cultures have discarded the sanctity of tradition and respect in relationships. We have become a disposable society. We expect everything to be easy. If it becomes too much of an effort we just toss it out and move on to the next. What ever happened to the belief, “if it’s not worth working for, it’s not worth having?” When did American people become disposable? I have to wonder what might happen if the American culture went back to a more traditional, respectful manner of dating and relating to each other. I have to wonder if the divorce rate would go down if your dating culture were more traditional.
